21 September 2004
by Jasmine Park
A lot of people working in movies today are either hacks or make some very poor career choices. Here are a few more examples:
What is up with Anthony Hopkins? I thought he said he was retiring. That was five years ago. Why does he keep making all these shitty movies? He's a pretty good actor, and he can't be all that dumb. Doesn't he know the movies he's making are garbage? Is he really okay with that?
The Human Stain (2003), Red Dragon (2002), Bad Company (2002), Hearts in Atlantis (2001), Hannibal (2001), Instinct (1999), Meet Joe Black (1998), The Mask of Zorro (1998)
What is up with Cate Blanchett? How could someone this good have absolutely no taste in the movies she makes? Why is she so good in all of these movies that consistently suck? Why does she make so many of them? She made 3 sucky movies in 2001 alone! Is she this strapped for cash? How can hacks like Gwyneth Paltrow and Julianne Moore make livings with semi-decent movies, but Cate can't land a single good role? Can't someone tell her? Does she even have an agent?
The Missing (2003), Veronica Guerin (2003), The Shipping News (2001), Charlotte Gray (2001), Bandits (2001), The Gift (2000), The Man Who Cried (2000), Bangers (1999), Pushing Tin (1999)
What is up with M. Night Shmalayan? Does making his first name an initial + period give him artistic license to ruin healthily budgeted movies with shitfaced 'surprise' endings? When will he realize he's a one-trick pony and give up the boy-genius act? Don't people who make lame-ass arguments like, "Oh, his 'surprise' endings suck on purpose, and that's the whole point" realize they're idiots too?
The Village (2004), Signs (2002), Unbreakable (2000), The Sixth Sense (1999)
"No, really, I enjoy wearing masks and
sucking in my paunch."
"Honey, Mommy's gotta go make shitty movies
to put food on the table."
"Wow, am I paying these people enough to pretend
that I'm a fucking genius?"
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